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The Safe Hybrid Battery Joke thread !

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Rocky Wabbit

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On their honeymoon, Lil Johnny now a grown up man tells his bride, "I have a confession to make that I should have made before, but I was concerned that it might affect our relationship.
"What is it?" his new bride asked lovingly.
"I'm a golf fanatic," he said. "I think about golf constantly. I'll be out on the golf course every weekend, every holiday, and every chance I get. If it comes to a choice between your wishes and golf, golf will always win."
His new bride pondered this for a moment and said, "I thank you for your honesty. Now in the same spirit of honesty, I should tell you that I've concealed something about my own past that you should know about. The truth is, "I'm a hooker."
"No problem," says Lil Johnny, "just widen your stance a little, and overlap your grip, and that should clear it right up." "With some constant practice !" :p
 
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A brunette who can't stand blondes is walking in the forest when all of a sudden she sees a magic lamp on the ground. Thinking to herself, "It always works in the movies," and so proceeds to pick up and rub the lamp.
A genie immediately emerges from the spout and says, "I will grant you 3 wishes, but whatever you wish for, all the blondes in the world will receive double the amount you receive. Do you understand?"
"Yes I understand," says the brunette, "and for my first wish, I want you to give my an incredibly handsome man."
"Do you understand that all the blondes in the world will receive 2 incredibly handsome men?" asks the genie.
The brunette replies yes and so an incredibly handsome man pops up beside her.
"For my second wish," says the pleased brunette, "I want you to give me 1 million dollars."
"Do you understand that all the blondes in the world will receive 2 million dollars?" said the genie.
The brunette replies yes and a large pile of money pops up on her other side.
Growing even more excited the brunette says calmly, "Lastly - you see that stick over there? I want you to beat me half to death with it."
 
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Rocky Wabbit

Rocky Wabbit

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Ten Guys and a Blond are holding on to a rope for dear life.
They discover the rope isn't strong enough and will break soon.
They decide one needs to let go and fall off the rope so the others can be ok.
The Blond immediately speaks up.
She Says, " I devoted my life, gave everything I have
for my Children and their father with never a thought to myself,
I will let go of the rope."
The ten men immediately start clapping !
 

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Ford F-150 Lightning The Safe Hybrid Battery Joke thread ! 1642113343529
 
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Lil Johnny no all grown up returns from the doctor and
tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live.
Given this prognosis, Lil Johnny asks his wife for sex.
Naturally, she agrees, and they make love. About six hours later,
Lil Johnny goes to his wife and says,
"Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live.
Could we please do it one more time?"
Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again.

Later, as Lil Johnny gets into bed, he looks at his watch and
realizes that he now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife shoulder, and asks,
"Honey, please...just one more time before die."
She says, "Of course, Dear," and they make love for the third time.

After this session, the wife rolls over and falls asleep.
Lil Johnny, however, worried about his impending death, tosses and turns, until he's down to 4 more hours.
He taps his wife, who rouses. "Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could..."
At this point the wife sits up and says,
"Listen, I have to get up in the morning. You don't!"
 
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An older, Lil Johnny now a white haired man
walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him.
Lil Johnny said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and
brought another ring over.
"Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said.
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
Lil Johnny now "The Man," seeing this said, "We'll take it."
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and
Lil Johnny, the man stated by check.
"I know you need to make sure the check is good,
so I'll write it now and you can call the bank on Monday to verify the funds and
I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.
Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned Lil Johnny.
"There's no money in that account."
"I know", said Lil Johnny, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"
 
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Lil Johnny now an American lawyer invites a friend to stay with him in his mountain cabin.
Early in the morning, Lil Johnny and his friend went out to pick berries for their morning breakfast.
As they were picking blueberries, along came two big Bears - a male and a female.
Lil Johnny, The lawyer, seeing the two bears, climbed a tree.
His friend wasn't so lucky and the male bear caught him and swallowed him whole.
Lil Johnny drives his car to town as fast has he can to get a policeman.
The policeman and Lil Johnny run to the berry patch !
Sure enough, the two bears were still there.
"He's in that one!" says Lil Johnny a lawyer, & points to the male.
The policeman looked at the bears, took careful aim with his gun, and shot the FEMALE.
"What did you do that for!" shouts Lil Johnny, "I said he was in the other bear!"
"Exactly," answered the policeman. "Would you believe a lawyer who told you that Your Friend is in a Males body?" ...:cool:
 

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↓↓ Our hero thinks for a few moments about what Dr. Says and asks the phone, "So Dr Johnny first tell me the good news !"

↑ Well; Dr Lil Johnny puts the phone on hold, sets it down and gets himself another Cup of Hot Coffee !
 
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Rob goes to the dentist to have a tooth pulled.
Lil Johnny, the dentist takes out a needle to give Rob a shot of Novocain.
"No way, no needles, I can't stand needles."
Lil Johnny, the dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas
but the man again objects. "No gas, the mask on my face is suffocating to me."
Lil Johnny the dentist then asks if Rob has any objection to taking a pill.
"No," said Rob, "I'm fine with pills."
Lil Johnny, the dentist then returns and says, "Here's a Viagra tablet."
Rob asks, "Wow, I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain pill."
"It doesn't," says Lil Johnny, the dentist
"but it will give you something to hold on to when I pull out your tooth."
 
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The Wife is having a passionate affair with Lil Johnny,
a inspector from the pest-control company..
On the Afternoon they are carrying on in the bedroom together
when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.
'Quick,' said the woman to Lil Johnny her lover,
"into the closet!' and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked.
The husband, however, becomes suspicious and
after a search of the bedroom discovered Lil Johnny in the closet..
'Who are you?' he asked him..
'I'm inspector Lil Johnny from Bugs-B-Gone,' says Lil Johnny.
'What are you doing in there?' the husband asked..
'I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths,' says Lil Johnny
'And where are your clothes?' asked Her husband.
Well; Lil Johnny thinks for a quick moment
while he looks himself over and says,
'Those little *******s!'..
 
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A police officer responds to a terrible wreck scene,
where a Male and Female passenger had been killed.
As he looked upon the wreckage 3 year old Lil Johnny comes up to the Officer near the crash scene.
The officer looked down at Lil Johnny and said, "I would like for you to describe what happened here."
So Lil Johnny looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down.
"You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer.
Again, Lil Johnny a 3 year old shakes his head up and down.
"Well, did you see this?"
"Yes," nodded 3 year old Lil Johnny.
"What happened?"
Lil Johnny pretends to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.
"They were drinking?" asked the officer.
Lil Johnny shakes his head "Yes."
"What else?"
Lil Johnny pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.
"They were smoking marijuana?"
Lil Johnny shakes his head "Yes."
"What else?"
Lil Johnny motioned "kissing."
"They were kissing, too?" asked the astounded officer.
Lil Johnny shakes his head "Yes."
"Now wait, you're saying these victims were drinking, smoking and kissing before they wrecked."
Lil Johnny nods his head "Yes."
"What were you doing during all this?"
"Driving" Says 3 year old Lil Johnny ! ....
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