The Safe Hybrid Battery Joke thread !

[Rocky Wabbit]

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[Rocky Wabbit]

Newlyweds
A newlywed couple moves into their new house.
One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says,
"Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?"
The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?"
A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says,
"Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new Battery.
Could you change it for me?"
He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?"
Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard.
The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says,
"Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?"
He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?"
The next day the husband comes home,
and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing and the car Battery is replaced.
He asks his wife what happened.
"Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says.
"Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls.
Wife says: "Nothing." He said he'd do it for free
if I either baked him a cake or slept with him."
"Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband.
"What do I look like," she says,
"Betty Crocker?"

 

[Rocky Wabbit]

My friend met a prostitute and after agreeing on the fee per hour they went up to her room and smack assed best sex and after sleeping most of the night he says he woke up in a wet bed, soaking wet and no babe and an Mt wallet !
I asked him, Holly Shit how much did she overcharge you !

 

[Rocky Wabbit]

A falling battery voltage killed a man today when it stopped working !
It was charged with murder via dropping its support issues !

 

[Rocky Wabbit]

Little Johnny goes into a Clock store by accident and asks if they sell Potato Chips. The assistant says “Sorry sir, we don’t. We have Battery powered Clocks, We have battery chips, electrical clock chips, wind up chips. In fact I’ve never heard of a potato chip Clock.” Lil Johnny asks, "what the heck does a Battery have to do with a Bag of Chips ?" Man Asks, "why are you even in my Store ?"
Lil Johnny says, " why the hell do you sell Battery Chips, Wind up Chips and Clock Chips and not sell Potato Chips"! Man says, "This is the Smart Chip age !"
Lil Johnny says, "seems to stick with potato chips is a seller !" "You have no Customers, just me !"

 

[Rocky Wabbit]

After getting the car out of the shop for a new Battery,
a School teacher driver is on an Expressway with a 90 mile per hour speed limit !
She notices no one is driving at the speed limit, instead 20 - 30 MPH faster.
So she starts driving 110 mph.
Ten minutes later an Adult Lil Johnny, now a LEO pulls her over !
The School Teacher says, "everyone is speeding out here, I can't believe you busted me !"
Well; Adult Lil Johnny, now a LEO thinks for a moment and Reply's.
"Have you ever been fishing and caught all the Fish ?"

 

[Rocky Wabbit]

 

[Rocky Wabbit]

With the quarantine, California highway patrol's job suddenly got a lot more boring so he has his cell plugged in and charging
So he sits here on the side of the 101 at 4:03 PM fighting to keep his eyes open,
as there was empty road as far as he could see. Suddenly,
he heard the roar of a charger zip past him. He flicked on his lights and
siren and went after it. He clocked them going at 100MPH!
The car quickly pulled over and he cautiously approached it.
Inside, were four women, likely in their 80s or 90s.
The driver seemed impatient and annoyed,
but the other women seemed terrified.
He asked the driver where she was headed in such a hurry.
She replied, "the bus was shut down with the quarantine and
we needed to get to our doctor's appointments."
"Do you know how fast you were going?" He asked,
"100MPH" she replied, visibly annoyed.
The trooper was shocked at the whole situation and
a bit annoyed with her attitude.
"The speed limit is 55MPH, I could arrest you for how fast you were driving!" He said.
The little old lady seemed really angry now.
"55MPH!? Are you blind? I can barely see, and
even I saw the sign back there that said it was 101!"
The trooper cracked up laughing at that.
When he finally composed himself,
he asked the other ladies if they were alright.
One of them squealed "we just got off the 4:05 !"

 

[Rocky Wabbit]

My friend recently just graduated from college with a degree in Electrical Engineering.
He applied for a job and was immediately contacted by a wealthy man who was looking for someone to help incorporate electricity onto his fence. As my friend WENT FORWARD with the job he also added Batteries to the backup system. Then he was about to leave when he tripped and landed right onto the fence. I'm not sure but I doubt he still has his current job.

 

[Rocky Wabbit]

The aliens studying Earth hold a conference.
Lil Johnny, t6he keynote speaker stands, and
after welcoming the attendees and
the usual pleasantries, he begins,
"Ladies and gentle ladies,
for seventy of its years,
I have headed a research project and we have studied this planet...
"As you know, our primary research method is to abduct a local sapient and
probe its rectum.
After these many years, and 100's of
millions of rectal probes,
we have definitively learned exactly one thing.
"One in six of our human beings them like it."
Lil Johnny then Chairs a 10 minute break motion and
cause his BATTERY in his Phone and
cable need a USB connection to stay charged !
Lil Johnny then continues, I also have ended our Committees
that study Human Behavior!
All they do is Argue ! I have concluded with
support form our home planet that we cannot help
or even agree on a way to change its outcome.
Good luck ladies and
Gentlemen, cause its just too hard !
Lil Johnny leaves by a direct route and
insults the Fat slob at the door.
You should eat less and get a lil exercise !
Order my Lil Johnny exercise DVD at Lil Exercise.com. $59.99

 

[Rocky Wabbit]

A male teacher is teaching physics in an all girls school.
One day, he was teaching the topic of electricity.
"A net electrical charge means the resulting electrical charge
on an object.
It normally means that an object has a positive or negative charge.
Do you understand?"
There is a Pregnant pause &
his students stared at him blankly,
some shaking their heads cautiously.
The teacher sighed and tried again.
"Okay, lets say that the girls are all positive charges and
I, a gay guy, I am a negative charge.
If you girls were all gathered in the girls bath room and
I walked right in, what is the batteries polarity charge that we might have ?"
There was another pregnant pause
and a girl stood up. "Sir, I don't know about us,
but you would have a gay mans sexual assault charge."

 

[Rocky Wabbit]

 

[Rocky Wabbit]

 

[Rocky Wabbit]

An alien walks into a human brain shop
Vendor: Welcome, unfortunately we are very limited due to back up Battery power,
the brains supply is sort of low right now and
there are only 2 available.
Alien: I'll take a look.
Vendor: Well, here's the brain of Albert Einstein.
He was very intelligent and was the reason behind much of human science.
This is priced at $2.
Here is the brain of someone who has watched every single
"Keeping up with the Kardashians" episodes ever.
It's listed at $200.
Alien: Woah, you're trying to rip me off.
Why is the brain of someone that dumb worth so much?
Vendor: Simple, because
this brain hasn't been used before.

 

[Rocky Wabbit]

Ole and Sven, ignoring the -60 degree wind chill warnings
, froze to death while ice fishing in northern Minnesota and descend to Hell.
Coming to check on his new arrivals from up North,
Satan is surprised to find Ole and Sven enjoying themselves,
finally removing coats and hats that they've worn for decades."What is the meaning of this," Satan demands. "You two almost seem comfortable."
"Oh don't you know," answers Ole,
"this is the first time we've been warm in years."
*Okay* think Satan. *I'm gonna really turn up the heat and
see how these two like it*. "We'll see if you're still laughing in a minute."
Satan instructs a demon to crank up the BATTERIES & REAIIY pour the coals on and
proceeds to go check on his other chargers.
He returns a while later, and to his astonishment,
finds Ole and Sven stripped down to their boxers and
sweating a little, but still with huge smiles on their faces.
"What is the meaning of this!", he exclaims!
"Uff da", answers Sven. "It's gettin' a little warm down here,
but after decades of Minnesota cold,
we can finally feel our bones start to thaw.
We're warm for the first time in our lives, mister."
Feeling more than a little desperate,
Satan thinks of a new plan. "Alright" he retorts,
"you two were sent down here to suffer.
Maybe the best environment for that is one like your miserable home land!"
Satan then instructs his demons to make Hells batteries *freeze*.
Heaters are exchanged for supernatural A/Cs. powered by solar batteries
Liquid nitrogen tanks are plugged in - the works.
Satan leaves to go attend other business.
He returns again a short time later expecting to find Ole and Sven miserable from being in the bitter cold once again.
To his bewilderment, Ole and Sven
are redressed in there parkas and hats,
but are hoopin' and hollerin' like never before.
Defeated, Satan asks,
"What is it with you guys?
I make Hell hotter than ever and you guys enjoy it.
I make it colder than anything even you two have experienced and
you're still full of joy. What is going on?"
"Well," answers Ole,
"for the first time in our lives,
we were able feel warm, which felt pretty good.
But now, with hell froze over, that can only mean one thing!"

" Minnesota won a Championship !

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